Naming their children Apple and Moses would be reason enough for a lot of people to mock Gwyneth Paltrow and Chris Martin: a slightly bizarre melange of Hollywood new age tree hugger and artiste-who-takes-himself-a-bit-too-seriously. As if those same people needed another excuse to have a rant, Martin and Paltrow recently announced their ‘conscious uncoupling’ – or divorce, to you and me. And so the media storm began again.
Let me first say that I do enjoy the music quiz Never Mind The Buzzcocks. So much so that I have it on series-link record. But one thing that does annoy me is that so many people now allegedly hate (yes, ‘HATE’) Coldplay because it appears to be the trendy thing to do. Noel Fielding, one of the Buzzcocks team captains, famously ‘genuinely hates’ Coldplay – and he’s very funny, so yeah, let’s all hate Coldplay, then. (Hats off to one-time show host David Tennant for milking the fact that he loves Coldplay, incidentally).
Given the perception that so many people already have about the couple, surely it actually says quite a lot about Martin and Paltrow that they announced their separation in terms that they must surely have known were only ever going to be ridiculed.
I quite like the phrase ‘conscious uncoupling’.
Don’t hate me for saying so (or do – I don’t really care) but I quite like the phrase ‘conscious uncoupling’. As a copywriter, I’m always looking for new ways to say things, and this actually sounds like quite a mature way of putting it. It seems obvious to most of us that any caring parent would want to protect their children from what is quite a major change in their home life and schedule of upbringing. Whatever problems they may have, it’s vital to make sure that the parents talk to their children to make absolutely sure that they know it’s not their fault, and that both parents love them.
‘Divorce’ and ‘separation’ both ring of hard legality – understandably so.
If the decision to divorce is reached in a mature, thoughtful and even caring way, then surely that can only be a good thing, especially when there are children involved. It seems to me that what people are annoyed about is not the Californian new age hippy style of separation of Martin and Paltrow so much as the actual phrase ‘conscious uncoupling’ itself. And that, I think, is unnecessarily judgmental and a little short-sighted.
I’m not especially a fan of Lenny Henry, I have to say (given what I consider to be a very poor taste joke about stammering during Comic Relief a few years ago), but he and Dawn French separated on what I understand were very similar terms. On Radio 4’s Desert Island Discs, French told of her short holiday with Henry where they did a lot of walking, talking, LAUGHING, and ultimately decided that they should separate. If that isn’t conscious uncoupling, I don’t know what is. They remain, she said, totally devoted to their children.
To call Martin and Paltrow’s public statement about their ‘conscious uncoupling’ arrogant (because ‘who on earth would be interested?’) may be entirely missing the point. Just maybe it was the kindest, shrewdest thing they ever did to protect their children.
Ashley is a copywriter, editor and blogger
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Jym Fahey April 7th, 2014, in the evening
Truthfully, I'm not sure how much this terminology will protect the children of Martin and Paltrow. I'm pretty sure they will still feel the same pangs of desertion and take on the same mode of blaming themselves that any other children of divorce (or "conscious uncoupling") experience. That fact that their parents have the dough. and hopefully the awareness, to put them in therapy to deal with the issues that naturally come up may create a better situation for them than for the children of a store clerk and an office manager. It does strike me as somewhat smug to put one's declaration of independence on a lifestyle blog. In fact it strikes me further that the declaration was an attempt to launch a preemptive strike against gossips, both professional and amateur, rather than a way to shield the children. Needless to say, it hasn't worked out that way.All that said, "conscious uncoupling" is a good term that dresses their divorce in, hopefully, a kinder and gentler outfit than the legal terms generally available. If the affection and general good will toward each other continue for these two, it will be like the affection and general good will that thousands of couples show toward each other, for the sake of the children or because it is genuinely how they feel. Now we have a term for it. I have to say though that in my ideal world, I wouldn't have to hear about any of it any further. It might protect the children better by having the talk with them and letting the world speculate.