Anyone who knows me well will know that, to put it as bluntly as possible, I find poo rather funny. I mean, who doesn't find poo funny? It's a funny word,a funny thing, and a funny emoji. At least in certain situations. Indeed, whilst I generally can't stomach broad American humour, slide in a cheeky toilet gag and I'm sold. I'm not proud of it, but there you go. So when I read about this new design concept from the Nikolas Gregory Studio, my initial reaction was to chortle wildly and write it off as a joke. But when I read further, and saw for myself what the studio was actually trying to achieve with the Ripley Kit, I began to realise that the idea of shitting out your own personalised jewellery is actually rather beautiful. Yes. Beautiful.
The Ripley Kit encourages users to swallow and excrete their own biologically customised piece of jewellery by using the body's natural digestive processes
The kit encourages users to swallow and excrete their own biologically customised piece of jewellery by using the body's natural digestive processes to tailor a ring that is quite literally a part of you, and how romantic is that? It contains a collection of materials including edible abrasives (like almond shells and corn husks), polishing compounds, natural food colouring and the jewel-encrusted gold ring itself. The idea is that the user ingest the materials, and then as the ring passes through their body it builds a distinctive patina layer of natural elements created by stomach acids and whatever was recently eaten. So if you're getting ready to take the plunge, you might want to reconsider that McDonald's. After consumption, the owner will then excrete the jewellery as a “Personal ring for your loved one.” It doesn't get much more personal than that right! The user will then have to retrieve the jewellery after expelling the material themselves, so get those nets at the ready!
Studio head and namesake Nikolas Gregory explains it better than I ever could (and probably without giggling): “While citric acid from fruit and soda tends to pit the base material, lactose and calcium aggregate and deposit on the surface. Not surprisingly, it has been found that popcorn and almonds produce a specular finish while banana, apple and pasta leave the surfaces muted. Once the ring has been polished, the fecal matter will begin to harden, the dyes will colour the jewels on the ring's surface.”
Nikolas Gregory designed the concept for a future where food has been replaced by non-agricultural alternatives, and the human digestive system is under-used
Gregory designed the concept in preparation for a potential future where food has been replaced by non-agricultural alternatives, and the human digestive system is under-used. He added: “In the interest of re-purposing an antique mechanism before it is 'evolved' out of existence, I imagined a manufacturing process which might rely on the old human machinery. I can see the kit as both a highly personalised luxury product as well as an amusement, a kind of parlour game in which people can mix and match or compare results. I imagine this will become an acquired taste or, perhaps better, a practice which takes time to get used to but ultimately quite simple to contemplate.”
Although the process has not been tested in real life, the designer assures that its ingredients are common to everyday diets and that all of the kit's elements would be natural and organically grown, and are safe for the environment. Of course, it's all speculative right now, but it certainly sounds like Gregory has done his research, and regardless of how you feel about it, you have to at least admire the sheer insanity of the idea. Also, it's not a concept completely without precedent. I once drank a cup of coffee composed of beans that had supposedly been excreted by a weasel and it was honestly one of the best cups of coffee I ever drank. The key here is to keep an open mind. A really open mind.
Benjamin Hiorns is a freelance writer and struggling musician from Kidderminster in the UK who would seriously consider buying a Ripley Kit. Seriously. This needs to be a thing!
