As Mr. Osborne will never tire of telling us, between now and May 7th, things are looking up. The economy, which at one point was about as healthy as a pigeon in a bus lane, is really picking up. But make no mistake, this is no time to be frivolous or extravagant. If we're to reap the benefits of this wonderful upturn, we're going to have to be lean and streamlined. Or at least our businesses are. That said, finding savings in this industry can be tricky. So, as a public service, I am delighted to offer you my top ten tips for a more budget-friendly creative agency. Follow this list and before you know it, you'll be on top of your financial game again. You can thank me later.
10. Ask those staff members with kids, whether the little ones could do the art direction. After all, the rougher the scamps look, the more creative they seem. Besides, the client won't pay much attention to them anyway, and nippers love colouring-in, don't they?
9. You know how people are always telling you their neighbour builds websites in his spare time as a hobby? Bingo! Tell them to warn their neighbour that hobby is about to get very lively indeed. The results are unlikely to be any less impressive than those impossible-to-use, quarter of a million pound projects, which seem to launch on a daily basis.
"Remember the good times, when money was like water?"
8. Do you really need all those lights on?
7. Remember in the good times, when money was like water? And you bought a scale model of Thunderbird 2 from a movie studio, as an ornament for the reception area? Bang that on eBay immediately. That new ITV series is bound to have boosted its value immeasurably. Then, replace it with a bowl of cheap wine gums from Lidl.
6. Two words: chemical toilets. If your offices are on water meters, you should think about it.
5. In winter, office heating bills can be frightful. So, install a large furnace in the studio, and fuel it with Apple Macs that became obsolete a month after you bought them.
4. Get all your copywriters to write best-selling novels. Tell them they can use their work laptop as long as they share the profits.
3. Varnish a plate of biscuits. Then simply use the same ones, for every meeting, forever.
2. In future, buy all your IT at car boot sales. Those BBC Acorns will lend the studio a very chic, retro ambience.
1. Clients are expensive. Just look at all those lunches, cocktails, phone calls and media kickbacks. Fire them all. This also brings the bonus of not needing any staff. It's a win-win.
Magnus Shaw is a copywriter and blogger.
