Jeremy
You know the Honey Monster? Big, funny, cuddly, kooky old rug? Cold-blooded, careerist vampire more like. Because those of us in our forties know he usurped Jeremy Bear, casting him out of his proud role as the face of Sugar Puffs; condemning him to life of miserable obscurity. Apparently, he can now be seen dancing for pennies at Salford Quays tram stop. But, Jeremy, we remember.
Peppy
Hands up everyone who knew the Glacier Mint bear was called Peppy? No you didn't. No-one does. But he is. And has been since he was recruited by Fox's in 1921. Apparently he only took the gig if he could bring his own iceberg, which was kept refrigerated at great expense. Naturally, some donut decided Peppy wasn't amusing enough on his own and drafted in a rubbish fox (geddit?) to be his comic foil. Peppy's creator , C. Reginald Dalby, would not have approved.
Cresta
When this fellow took centre stage, nobody could be bothered to find him a name (C. Reginald, where were you when we needed you?). That said, the sketchy cartoons which accompanied his ads for the foamy soft drink were rather endearing and his catchphrase 'It's Frothy Man' ensured he earned enough to retire to Bognor where he now deals in antique sunglasses.
Vinnie
Another, more recent, offspring of the Fox's empire; this vicious leader of the Brooklyn panda mafia somehow managed to make his veiled threats on national television without the intervention of law enforcement agencies. Probably on his shortbread payroll. Incredibly, he can't even pronounce the word 'biscuits' but who's going to tell him? He'd have some young cubs dump you in the East River before you could say 'chocolate chips'.
Coke bears
I'm not sure this pack of polar bears (the most favoured species in advertising for some reason) even knew they were being filmed when the heartless executives from Coca-Cola forced bottles of fizzy caffeine on them. More used to a diet of seals and explorers, it's uncertain these magnificent beasts can even digest pop. How long must this cruelty go unchecked?
George
Speaking of cruelty, the story of George just demonstrates what a fickle mistress showbusiness can be. Through the 80s George's place in the superstar pantheon was assured as he headed campaign after campaign for Hofmeister 's overly gassy, weak lager. With his pork pie hat (sadly, now bang on trend again) and his silk bomber jacket (never on trend), he was the epitome of youthful swagger and boomtime confidence. But come the 90s and the recession before the really terrible one, and George found himself surplus to requirements. He was last seen flogging autographs for 50p at Creamfields in 1998.
The John West Bear
Of course, as we all know, the fisherman was so badly mashed in the scrap, he was unable to identify the bear which carried out the assault. However, I would be failing in my duty if I didn't record that day five years ago, when the ugly underbelly of bear life revealed itself to a John West ad crew. We all enjoy a bit of horseplay, but this brought shame not only to bears (and horses), but to all wildlife everywhere.
Superted
I don't like Superted. There, I've said it. Frankly, I like a bad bear. Even the psychopathic assailant from the John West footage is preferable to this squirt. He's just such a goody, goody gumdrops. Yes, it's possible that, off camera and in the privacy of his own dressing room, he is a drug-fuelled sexual predator. Then again, his contribution to the advertising archives was a safety film for South Wales Electricty, so what do you think? Although he was voiced by the mighty Derek Griffiths. Superted is now a Lib Dem MEP for East Kent.
Sascha the Hamms Beer Bear
I'm not sure we even have Hamms Beer in the UK (don't send me any, I hate beer), but Sascha is worth including for a) sheer obscurity and b) an award-winningly surreal Wikipedia entry. I quote: The Hamm's Beer bear was a cartoon mascot used in television production and print advertisements for Hamm's beer. Typically, the bear would dance around in a pastoral setting while the "Land of sky blue waters" jingle was sung in the background. Its name (never mentioned in the commercials) is Sascha, after the wife of the founder of the company. For a period, a real bear named Sascha trained by Earl Hammond appeared in commercials as well."
Paddington
You think you know someone and then ... Let me tell you, I figured if there was one darn thing I could rely on in this whole sorry world, it was the fact that Paddington would keep it real, with his oversized hat, Ryan Air friendly suitcase and marmalade butties. But every bear has his price and when Marmite came knocking he was off like a shot, leaving us all just a bit jaded and, yes, bitterly disappointed. That's bears for you.
Magnus Shaw - writer and blogger
www.magnusshaw.co.uk
www.creativepool.co.uk/magnusshaw
