Iceland, Peter Andre:
When this low-market frozen food retailer had the strapline 'That's why Mums go to Iceland', they attracted enormous condemnation from those who pointed out, quite rightly, it was very sexist. They need worry no longer, for now the line is 'That's why Peter's gone to Iceland'. In fairness, Peter Andre strikes me as a very soft-hearted and affable fellow. Not, perhaps, the sharpest tool in the box, but very friendly all the same. However, I think I can say with some certainty, that he doesn't get his groceries from Iceland. Not even when they do an ice-cream shaped like a champagne bottle. No wonder the other shoppers are surprised.
McCain, Scarecrows
McCain are currently ruining my evenings. I'm a dedicated follower of 'Emmerdale', but right now, I'm tempted to miss entire episodes in order to avoid these terrible sponsor spots. It's not so much the concept with which I have a problem - even I can see the connection between scarecrows in a field and the soap's rural setting. No, it's the dreadful scripts that are killing me. They're clearly supposed to be endearingly funny (like Peter Andre); instead, they're tremendously clunky, infantile and highly un-amusing. What's more, there are dozens of executions, each as bad as the last. And the Christmas versions are the worst of the lot. Woeful stuff.
Canti Prosecco, Italy In London
A rather handy device - when a brand wishes to portray itself as romantic, mysterious and up-market - is to use the image of a pretty lady going to a masked ball. I've seen it many, many times and here it is again. This time our heroine is off to some swanky old bash in London - via a gondola. It's all about bringing a taste of Italy to Britain, you see. And it almost works - except the asinine and over-glossy production means the whole concept washes over us in the most forgettable way. I also suspect the kind of people to whom the ad is supposed to appeal, will be drinking something far more expensive than Canti Prosecco, and the rest of us can't really relate to plush masked balls taking place in the centre of London. Still, it's Christmas, and folks will drink anything at this time of year. Masks or no masks.
L'Oreal, Casting Creme Gloss:
There seems to be an awful lot of hair product advertising around at this festive time. Perhaps the manufacturers think we'll be colouring our hair more, what with all the parties and such like. Or maybe they expect us to be acquiring greys by the second, as we attempt to force our way through overcrowded shopping centres. Of course, it's almost impossible to tell one hair dye ad from another, blending as they have always done, into one homogenous mass. But I can't help having my curiosity pricked by the name of this particular product because, well, what exactly does it have to do with casting? Is it a fishing reference, or something theatrical? I'm genuinely at a loss.
Merry Christmas Everybody!
Magnus Shaw is a copywriter and blogger
