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The top ten USB gadgets

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Final Destination 5

The USB ports in our computers have facilitated a wide range of different product and marketing opportunities. From guitars that can be plugged straight into our computers to nifty branded storage freebies that get handed out like sweets at IT conventions.

The true purpose and potential for our USB ports, though, has of course been found in the range of largely useless, yet somehow alluring, toys and gadgets. These USB toys are the perfect desk accompaniment for the professional procrastinator. Full of distracting potential, these toys may stop your train of thought but they make up for it in their undoubted awesomeness.

Check out my list below for the best of these time-wasting but above all brilliant devices. (If there's any USB gadgets that you think we need to know about then place your suggestions in the comments box).
 

Fridge

This is without doubt the best way to ensure your mid-morning sugar hit is ice cold when you crack it open. Sure, you could just keep it in a proper fridge but that means actually having to get up and walk across the room, and hey, walking’s for suckers right?! Now we just need one of this powerful enough to keep a whole six pack cool.
 
Drinks heater

Supposedly some of the above fridges can heat drinks as well as chill them, but the drink heaters deserve a mention in their own right. A whole host of tactical office drink-making possibilities open up with these USB toys. Suppose youve just made a round of tea and then someone cleverly offers a round immediately afterwards to try and get away with not having to make anyone else a drink. With this USB toy you can take them up on their sneakily timed offer every time! Keep one of your cups on this backburner and itll still be good to go in half an hour or so.
 
Humping dog

When the real forefathers and facilitators of modern civilisation discovered the power and potential of electricity, could they ever have envisaged their monumental discovery would one day lead to the USB humping dog toy. I can only hope that somewhere, at some point in time, in an enormously important and formal business meeting, someone has reluctantly had to produce this as their only spare USB drive.
 
Pole dancer

Dont let people who dont appreciate you playing Motley Crue as loud as you can from your computer put you off from doing so. All youve got to do is set the scene properly and this usb toy does exactly that! Well, it might help, a bit?.
 
Mini Aquarium

There was once a lost section of my life where my existence was pretty much defined to a full-on addiction to a Facebook game called happy aquarium. Im not proud of that time but it happened, lets just leave it at that shall we? Anyway, for all fellow sufferers out there (of which there are probably none) this USB toy may be a valuable aid to help the weaning off hypnotic power of the Facebook game.
 
Panic Button

Imagine the scene; your checking out the latest batch of risqu snaps to have uploaded their way onto facebook just as your boss or latest freelance client walks past. Never fear, a swift plunging of the panic button will automatically throw a spreadsheet, piece of design, page of coding or whatever you specifiy as your work document as the viewable file on the screen. The only slight problem is that the cunning and subtlety of the move is somewhat thwarted by the massive, attention grabbing panic button itself that youve just activated, which will probably bring more attention to your activities than if youd done nothing at all.
 
Mini vacuum

Crisps, biscuits, sandwiches, cakes all the usual desk snacks can leave your workspace with a even layer of food debris that, if left for too long, can quickly evolve into its own finely tuned miniature eco system. You can now give your workstation the long overdue clean-up it needs courtesy of the USB miniature vacuum cleaner.
 
Laser guided missile launcher

If you are going to dabble in the world of USB toys (yes it is definitely a world) then I would probably have to recommend the USB powered laser-guided missile launcher. This is one of those products where the product blurb is the exact same thing as the name of the product itself; it fires missiles and its laser guided, what else do you need to know.
 
Tengu

For some reason I have a block on remembering that this toy is called simply Tengu. I keep wanting to call him Mr. Tengu, which is definitely a better name. Anyway, Mr Tengu, I mean Tengu, is a cool little USB toy whereby he creates facial expressions to sound that is picked up by a microphone built in to the base of the toy.
 
 
Pop-up pirate

Its always good to see a piece of childhood nostalgia suddenly make an appearance in a different format years later. Here is the new, USB version of pop-up pirate. I remember the original game of this being awesome, but I was a child so it was actually probably a bit rubbish, much in the same way that Kinder eggs used to seem huge and now seem tiny. But until I actually purchase this USB version of pop-up pirate I will assume it's still good.
 
Eye Massager

A top ten list with eleven entries? Hey, what can I say, thats just the kind of generous blogger I am. Now I may be wrong here, and I doubt myself just form how ridiculous this product is, but apparently this particular USB toy involves is literally a case of simply plugging it in and massaging your eyes with it! There are a few key questions that this product begs. Firstly, can it really be the case that it is more comfortable and soothing to massage your eyes with a jagged piece of plastic than your own fingertips? Secondly, why are the hands making peace symbols? Im not sure what hand gesture, if any, symbolises or is most commonly used in massage, but Im pretty sure that this is not it. This had to be included in the list though just because I love the uselessness of it. I also like the fact that this is probably the most wacky and out-there toy amongst the lot but its also probably being marketed in the most serious and genuine way. Although, the selection of different colours it's available in does give it a certain collectable appeal. If it weren't for the slightly more immediate luring appeal of popup pirate and the missile launcher I would probably make an impulsive purchasing of the set!
 

by Chris Fiander

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