I suppose when you create the most useful invention since the Corby Trouser Press, you have the right  to outsmart your audience. And the good people at Google certainly like to take advantage of their elevated position on the first day of the fourth month.
Friends, for your inspection and enjoyment, we bring you the top ten Google April Fool gags.
One more thing. Only nine of these are real Google April Fools. One is an invention of the great minds at Creativepool. But which one?
10. Manpower
2008 and Google China introduces Manpower Search. This was a brand new feature that insisted human involvement produced the most trustworthy and relevant search results. The system, explained Google, was actually powered by 25 million Chinese volunteers who did the ceaseless searching for you - 24 hours a day. The massive team brought you answers on demand, using online resources and paper documents, all within a guaranteed 32 seconds. If you fancied being part of this vast human search engine all that was needed was a fresh CV and a letter to the Human Search Volunteers Authority. Applications flooded in.
9. TiSP
TiSP stood for Toilet Internet Service Provider and in 2007 Google introduced this new product, a free in-home wireless broadband service. Subscribing brought you a TiSP self-installation kit: a CD, fibre-optic cable, wireless router, spindle and a setup guide. It also gave you access to GFlush technology, providing wireless broadband by connecting your router 'to one of thousands of TiSP Access Nodes through local municipal sewage lines'. In the FAQ section you could read the following: 'How can Google offer this service for free? Well Google's strategy was to analyze your poop and display online ads that were contextually relevant to the client's health status and culinary preferences.'
8. CADIE
April 2009 and Google brought us CADIE, the world's first artificial intelligence entity. The Cognitive Autoheuristic Distributed-Intelligence Entity had many uses but its primary function was to read your emails, interpret them and send an automated bespoke reply, negating the need to ever manage your incoming mails again. There were examples too:
7. G Day
Google Australia developed a revolutionary search technology in 2008. What made it so special? Well, it allowed you to search web pages 24 hours before they were published or created. MATE was the technology behind the application (Machine Automated Temporal Extrapolation) and it claimed to be able to predict anything that was going appear on the web: lottery numbers, share prices, sports results and more. Strangely enough, it helped nobody get rich.
6. Pigeon Rank
Google's key tool is the PageRank, a system that identifies the relevance of a webpage and rates it from 1 to 10. In 2002 Google announced the technology behind the process was PigeonRank. 'PigeonRank's success relies primarily on the superior trainability of the domestic pigeon (Columba livia) and its unique capacity to recognize objects regardless of spatial orientation. The common gray pigeon can easily distinguish among items displaying only the minutest differences, an ability that enables it to select relevant web sites from among thousands of similar pages,' they said. The more pigeon pecks, the higher the PigeonRank. So, sites with the most pecks get to the top of Google. Coo!
5. Google Romance
Falling in love? Just another search task for Google in 2006. This dating service allowed users to post  information about themselves and search for lovers. Google's task was to return results including the user's perfect soulmate. The system also offered free dates, as long as the couple agreed to being exposed to contextually relevant advertising. The slogan? 'Contextually, ever after!'
4. Google Gulp
That's right, Google's very own 2005 soft drink - designed to maximize searching efficiency. Google Gulp, it was claimed, made drinkers more intelligent, less thirsty. Available in four delicious flavors: Beta Carroty (beta carotene), Glutamate Grape (glutamic acid), Sero-Tonic Water (serotonin) and Sugar-Free Radical (free radicals), the liquid made Google searches 60% more rewarding.
3. Google Track
In 2010, Google realised people were always losing things. Car keys, credit cards, pens - they were constantly being misplaced in the home, on public transport and in restaurants. Google Track put this right. All the subscriber had to do was use a smartphone or webcam to photograph any vulnerable items, give them a unique code and, using Google Earth, Google Maps and GPS technology, the item could be located to within a metre. The upcoming version promised the same system would include a boyfriend/girlfriend locator.
2. MentalPlex
Back in 2000 Google users could search faster with MentalPlex. This was a radical new search technology whereby the customer was able to project words or images into Google using their mind alone. The team behind the system worked closely with specialists in parapsychology, pseudo-intelligence and improbability. Naturally, the user had to remove their hat, otherwise the online mind scanner would be unable to see accurately into their brain.
1. The Copernicus Centre
2004 saw Google posting job ads for highly-qualified engineers willing to relocate. To the moon. The post demanded the candidate was capable of surviving without modern conveniences like Family Guy, frothy coffee and regular oxygen. The Google Copernicus Hosting Environment and Experiment in Search Engineering (G.C.H.E.E.S.E.), was a lunar hosting centre opening in 2007 and only the very best technicians would be successful. Applications arrived in bundles. But sadly, Google has yet to go to the moon.
Feel free to nominate the fake story in the comments section below.
Magnus Shaw - writer, blogger and broadcaster
www.magnusshaw.co.uk
www.creativepool.co.uk/magnusshaw
