Giving a presentation? Know your enemies.

Recently, I've been hosting some copywriting seminars. And I'm delighted to say the participants have all been attentive, smart and enthusiastic.

That's not always the case, however. So, if you're due to deliver a pitch, presentation or training session soon, just look out for these miscreants, lurking in the room.

The Reluctant One
Of course, not everyone attending your fabulous performance will be there by choice. Some will have been compelled by duty or management to go along. So watch for the individual determined to show their reticence through a series of increasingly dramatic yawns, periods spent gazing out of the window, a head propped heavily on a hand and incessant trips to the loo. Should you diagnose this syndrome in any of your group, how about directing the next five minutes of your gig right into their glazed face? Or wait till their next call of nature - and lock the door.

The One Who Won't Settle
Naturally enough, when the crowd enters the room, there is a round of greeting, nattering, joshing and catching up. This should die away to rapt attention when you begin your spiel. However, keep an eye open for the tyke who insists their summary of last night's Hollyoaks should take precedence over your presentation. Apart from anything else, they'll be distracting at least one other person. By all means stand quietly until they realise only their voice can be heard, echoing around the place. That will probably do the trick. But do resist the temptation to yell 'Shut your gabber!' at them. It creates a bad atmosphere.

The 'Can I Just Ask?' One
Make no mistake. You are pitching your incisive ideas to an audience you've tacitly invited along, so you'd better be willing and able to address any queries from the floor. Nevertheless, be aware of the participant who has mistaken the event as an opportunity to roll misconceived and unconnected enquiries into the mix: 'Why hasn't my new chair arrived?', 'Where's the coffee machine in reception gone?, 'Did you do the meerkats?'. That sort of thing.
Remember, you are under no obligation to solve the personal problems of the audience. Nor should you be drawn into a debate on the relative merits of advertising campaigns in which you had no involvement. Unless you did the meerkats, in which case say 'Yes,  I did the meerkats - but I don't have any of the toys for you.'

The One Who Knows Better
Many years ago, I was running a copywriting workshop for a local authority. There was a segment on the correct use of apostrophes (who said advertising isn't a thrill ride?). Having taken the room through the subtleties of possessive nouns and such like, one gentleman raised his hand. I invited him to speak and he proceeded to tell his colleagues that I had it all wrong, and instructed them (completely incorrectly) on the deployment of the apostrophe. He was 'the one who knew better'. Obviously and thankfully, you are not guaranteed to have such a nuisance with you - but, if you do, it can be tricky. In my instance, I told everyone that I had worked as a professional writer for over a decade and they were free to take my advice, or that of their civil servant pal. You though, may simply choose to jump out of the window.

So, good luck with your upcoming presentations. I hope they are an absolute triumph and go without a hitch. But most of all, I hope anyone you'd recognise from this article is unavoidably delayed.

Magnus Shaw is a copywriter, blogger and consultant

Website
On Creativepool